How did I get here?
Here I am, sitting at the kitchen table staring at bills I don’t know how to pay, a pile of dirty dishes in the sink, toys scattered everywhere, the laundry pile growing before my eyes, wondering how life led me to this point. It’s been a whirlwind of emotions and challenges since the birth of my amazing little boy six years ago. The journey of parenthood was not what I had envisioned, and I find myself reflecting on the road that brought me here – to this place of financial struggle and self-discovery.
Parenthood Challenges
6 years ago, I held my precious son in my arms after a challenging road through infertility and a high-risk pregnancy, feeling an overwhelming sense of happiness and envisioning all the beautiful moments new moms think of. Meanwhile, life had other plans for us. My new little boy cried incessantly, only slept 30-90 minutes at a time, and could not latch, leaving me physically and emotionally exhausted. Clearly, I must be doing something wrong – I’m a new mom and already failing.
Medical complications
Labor complications left me unable to stand for more than a few hours due to severe pain. This combination of challenges took a physical and mental toll on me, resulted in having to give notice at my job, and brought added financial strain to our family.
Discovering My Son’s Needs
As my son grew, I noticed little signs that something might be different. Speech delays, picky eating, and repetitive behaviors raised concerns in my heart. I mentioned my observations to doctors, friends, and family, but my worries were often dismissed – “You are a new mom,”; “All babies cry,”; “he’s doing great,”; “he will do things when he is ready”; “don’t worry so much.” A new doctor finally listened and scheduled an appointment for testing by some of the top neuro psychotherapists in our state. We waited a year for the appointment. It wasn’t until he turned four that he received a diagnosis that shed light on his unique needs – Level 1 autism, hyper ADHD, and giftedness. While this brought clarity, it also meant navigating uncharted territory, constant supervision, and limited outings.
Navigating Personal Struggles
Life threw more curveballs my way, including the challenges of the COVID-19 pandemic. I endured a high-risk pregnancy, my husband battled COVID-19, and family support was scarce at best. I gave birth alone in a hospital to my daughter at the start of the pandemic lockdowns. This terrifying moment oddly brought an overwhelming feeling of peace for the three days my daughter and I were alone together. I noticed a fierce strength and calmness rising in me, jolting me out of the darkness and beginning the slow healing process. With this newfound resilience, I found the fortitude to homeschool my son, who displayed an exceptional thirst for knowledge.
Financial Struggles
Raising a child with special needs and providing necessary sensory equipment took a toll on our finances. Alongside the expenses of homeschooling and meeting my gifted son’s unique needs, debt began to pile up. Every attempt to find stability in parenting and life seemed to add to our financial burden. A financial burden so significant – I can’t catch my breath.
Lost
Amid this challenging journey, I realized I had lost a part of myself. I yearned to reconnect with the person I used to be before life became a whirlwind of responsibilities and financial stress. As I search for ways to clear debt, declutter my life, bring calm to the house, and create a nurturing homeschooling space, I also hope to reconnect with the passions that once fueled my spirit.
Moving Forward
Life’s unexpected journey has been arduous, but it has gifted me two incredible children. As I continue to navigate the challenges and uncertainties, I hope to find a balance between financial stability, parenting, bringing calm to our home, and personal growth. With determination, resilience, and love, I believe I can carve a brighter path for myself and my family.
Join me
Please join me on the path toward financial freedom, a clean and less cluttered house and the sense of calm that we all yearn for.
Rise to Calm 